So I sat down this morning and just began writing down a ton of confessions…some are funny, some are not…but all are true.
– Even though I am filled with hope, deep down I believe that I will never have children.
– I am jealous of pregnant women
– I despise women who say they understand what IF is like because it took them 5 months to conceive
– I feel guilty when I am not very active in my good friends lives once they procreate
– I will always put on a smile in front of other people(besides my hubby), no matter how much I’m hurting inside
– I squeeze my boobs constantly during my 2ww…which of course makes them very sore…but I tell myself they are sore because I must be pregnant
– I’ve only taken 1 pregnancy test in the past 3 years, because my period refuses to give me a few days to dream each month
– I have friends who love to constantly complain to me about how horrible their child filled lives are and I secretly wish that those friends were no longer in my life
– I wish someone would hand me $25,000 so my husband and I could adopt right away
– I have learned how to cry without producing tears even though it just about makes me throw up
– I feel sorry for myself
– I feel guilty for the above statement
– Shows like Teen Mom and Life of the American Teenager should be outlawed because of the pain they are causing infertiles
– I feel like if I wasn’t fat, all of my problems would be solved
– Every time a baby related show or commercial comes on I instantly change the channel
– Every day I expect to get a call from another friend who is pregnant
– I fear that my 15-year-old cousin will probably become a mother before I do
– I get mad at God every time I hear about people who abuse or murder their children. If he had given those children to me instead…they would be happy, healthy and loved beyond words
– I’m sick and tired of having to buy baby shower gifts, I need to be saving that money for adoption
– Family members spend so much money on my sister’s kids all year-long and yet my husband and I are lucky if we even get remembered on our birthdays
– My grandmother once said that a life without children and grandchildren would not be a life worth living, it took everything I had to not ask her to buy me a gun for my birthday so I could go ahead and put myself out of my misery since apparently my life is not worth living (ps: i don’t really feel that way, lol.)
– I’m constantly tired because I stay awake at night praying and stressing about what I may never have
– When people tell me how lucky I am that I don’t have any kids, responsibilities, that I can travel whenever I want and that I can sleep in on the weekends I seriously consider punching them in the face because none of those statements are remotely accurate (well except the lack of kids thing)
– Without my husband, I’m not really sure if I would still be on this earth today. He is my rock and he is the only person who can make me realize that I do have worth and that I am needed. I love him more every day.
What are some of your confessions?
I have certainly felt all of these at sometime or another. You are not alone. IF sucks and people just don’t understand what we are going through.
HUGS!
LJ
I hate that other people are going through what I am…but I would be lying if I said i’m glad i’m not alone. People always act like IF is no big deal and we should stop complaining…of course usually those are people who have kids. go figure! You have to walk this path to understand it! 🙂
Praying for you!!!